Listen to Shane Mac’s “Fairytale” and more from our Mariah Carey-less Top 30 Christmas songs!

Rest in Peace, Kirsty McColl and Shane MacGowan. Thank you for “Fairytale”

By Dai Bando published 12/20/2021 (updated 11/30/2023)

There are five new additions to my annual “Greatest Christmas Songs” list, now thirty songs in total! This is disconcerting, since my original raison d’être was that there are only about ten good Christmas songs. Then ten became fifteen, then twenty-five, and now thirty.

So, I appear to be wr…wr… challenged, in my original belief.

Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is not on the list, despite the fact that the song has had 309 million streams across all platforms in the US. In truth, there’s probably a dearth of “uber-hits” here, with the exception of the classics from Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. But there are beautiful hymns, traditional carols and several slightly obscure Christmas pop chestnuts. Sorry, Mariah – you don’t make the cut this year.

We lost some wonderful performers from the list post-Covid, notably Paddy Moloney of the Chieftains, Nanci Griffith, Sinead O’Connor and only yesterday, the legendary Shane MacGowan. Rest in Peace and thank you for your music.


30. “Simple Gifts” performed by YoYo Ma and Alison Krauss

“Simple Gifts” is special to me because it was performed at my daughter’s annual school holiday concert. At “Lumina,” the senior girls would sing in candlelight procession, entering a building packed with smartly dressed parents and grandparents – none wearing face-masks, because this would’ve appeared simply nutters ten years ago. Ah, those carefree days of 2011!

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848. The lyrics are:

“’Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.”

Finding ourselves “where we ought to be” – what could be a more wonderful Christmas gift than that?

On this recording, Yo Yo Ma contributes his masterful cello playing while Alison Krauss adds her typically sublime vocals. Such an extraordinary ode to simplicity!

A Christmas Quiz:

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848 by:
A. Barbeque Bob
B. Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett
C. Bumblebee Slim

29. Auld Lang Syne” performed by Johnny Cunningham and Susan McKeown

I find New Years as much a spiritual time as Christmas, perhaps even more so. This version of Robert Burns “Auld Land Syne” includes both Burns’ original Scottish melody, as well as the familiar Guy Lombardo update.
“We’ll tak a cup of kindness yet” – how beautiful! I was fortunate to see the late Johnny Cunningham and Irish singer Susan McKeown perform together at a small garden concert some years ago – a treasured memory. Rest in Peace, Johnny. Slàinte Susan!

28. “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus” performed by Brenda Lee

I first heard this novelty when it was featured in the 1988 film The Accidental Tourist, with actress Geena Davis singing these goofy lyrics while baking Christmas cookies. At the amazing age of nine (!), Brenda Lee recorded “Lasso Santa Claus” – two full years before recording her better-known hit “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree.” The only younger performer on my list here is probably “Cindy-Lou Who” who sings backup on “Dah Who Doraze”, but since the Whos’ ages are measured in ‘dog years’, she was technically seventy-five.)

I love the musicianship on “Lasso”, notably Nashville legend Don Helms playing that tasty double-neck steel guitar (Helms played in Hank Williams band and recorded with Hank, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash.)

I also I love the woke lyric:
“Then I’ll take his bags of toys and run
And bring to all the kids who don’t have none”


Hellsyeah, Brenda! Power to the people. Stick it to the man!

Read more: Listen to Shane Mac’s “Fairytale” and more from our Mariah Carey-less Top 30 Christmas songs!

#27 “Snowfall” performed by Ahmad Jamal Trio

Written by husband-wife team of Claude and Ruth Thornhill, this song is perfect for your Christmas cocktail Jazz party. Your guests will ask, “Is this a bonus track from Charlie Brown’s Christmas?” And you can pour a martini and reply, “I should say not! This is a 1958 live performance by the Ahmad Jamal Trio !” (If in Glasgow, add “… ya clueless bawbag!”)

“Snowfall” has been recorded by Tony Bennet and Wes Montgomery, as well as “Enoch Light and the Light Brigade” and NRBQ (wouldn’t those two bands have been a great twin-bill live show?)

Ahmad Jamal’s evocative instrumental version is my favorite rendition of this tune. You can almost see the snowflakes falling – am I right?

#26 Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel (traditional)


I’ve seen it written that this hymn has an “undeniably spooky quality to it” and I can’t disagree. The music is set in a minor key, and the lyric speaks of “mourning in lonely exile”, a mention of a ransom, and who is this mal hombre Emmanuel, anyway? Listen to the eerie church organ in this recording by The Choir of King’s College, Cambridge. I almost expect to see the camera pan to reveal Vincent Price playing!

In the Book of Isaiah, the prophesied messiah is called Emmanuel, which means means “God is with us.” I like that. It’s exactly where God oughta be.

Original titled “Veni Veni Emmanuel” this dates back to the twelfth century, and as we all know, the good Christians of 12th century really had their shit together when it came to producing beautiful hymns, majestic cathedrals and bloody crusades.

The darkness in this song, described as “mingled joy and sorrow performed in a minor key”, agrees with Christmas in the age of Covid. Yet the song reminds us, God is with us.

More about this song at America: The Jesuit Review

25. “2000 Miles” – The Pretenders (1983)

A beautiful Christmas song by Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, written for the band’s founding guitarist James Honeyman-Scott who died 1983 at 25 years old, the year the song was written. (Robbie McIntosh replaced him and plays a magnificent lead here.) Chrissie’s vocals and Robbie’s guitars create a holiday masterpiece that’s full of both melancholy and hope.

“And these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream
You appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow
Sparkle”

Chrissie’s heartfelt lyrics remind me of Pablo Nurado’s poem about death, grief and ultimately living, The Dead Woman:

“Forgive me If you are not living
If you, beloved, my love,
If you have died
All the leaves will fall on my breast
It will rain on my soul all night, all day
My feet will want to march
to where you are sleeping
But I shall go on living”

24. The Wexford Carol (traditional)

This is one of the oldest carols, originating from County Wexford, Ireland. The recording is from The Chieftains “Bells of Dublin” LP, which I consider indispensable for holiday gatherings.

We recently lost Paddy Moloney and Nanci Griffith who perform on this track from The Bells of Dublin. They were each great ambassadors of their particular brands of folk music. Rest in Peace.

23.“River” – Joni Mitchell (1971)

One my very favorite performers from the ‘60s, Joni Mitchell wrote this heartbreaking song which first appeared on her classic album ‘Blue’. I love “River, “from the ‘jingle bells’ piano intro to Joni’s lyric “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Who hasn’t wished for this during this Covid winter?

22. Jingle Bells (with “Batman smells” verse)

“Jingle Bells” was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1857. I believe Pierpont’s song is best appreciated when performed by frozen-mitten wearing kids singing at the top of their lungs, and adding the “Batman smells” verse.
What 5th grade boy hasn’t sung “jingle bells, batman smells” while huddled in the wintry schoolyard with his pal Tommy, lusting after Mrs. Fouch – the only teacher at St. Peters who wasn’t a nun. (OK, maybe that was just me and Tommy Tanner, but you get the idea.)
The first version of the Batman Smells verse surfaced in the 1966 Christmas season when the Batman TV show (with Adam West – the greatest Batman) was becoming a massive hit. “Batman Smells” was further glorified by Bart Simpson in “The Simpsons Christmas Special,” in December of 1989. Lisa Simpson was undoubtedly wishing for a river she could skate away on.

21. “Greensleeves” (traditional)

I fell in love with this song at the afternoon matinee showing of “How the West Was Won” at the the Warwick Cinema, back when and a box of popcorn cost 50 cents and the longer movies such as this one had “Intermissions.” In the 1962 movie, Debbie Reynolds sings “A Home in the Meadow,” which was essentially the music of “Greensleeves” with American frontier lyrics added by Tin Pan Alley songman Sammy Cahn. What’s that got to do with Christmas? As Yukon Cornelius might say, “Nuthin!” But read on!

The original “Lady Greensleeves” was an English folk song dating back to 1580. There is a some belief that the ballad was actually composed by Henry the VIII who was an accomplished musician before he got fat and nasty. (He was said to be a wiz on the tennis court, too – imagine that!) Now, at that time in England, to label a woman “green sleeves” was meant to suggest she was prone to enjoying a roll around in the grass (getting green stains on her… well, you get the idea.) So this song was a 16th century “I’m too sexy for my shirt.”

Fast forward to 1865 when Christian hymn writer William Chatterton Dix thought it prudent to remove the randy “green sleeves” reference altogether and rename the song “What Child Is This?”- a question that can indeed follow a roll in the grass, I suppose.

I love Greensleeves best without any lyrics – either played unadorned on acoustic guitar or the orchestral version by Ralph Vaughan Williams. And thank you Debbie Reynolds, mostly for giving us Carrie Fisher. What child was that one!

Read more

Listen to Shane Mac’s “Fairytale” and more from our Mariah Carey-less Top 30 Christmas songs!

Rest in Peace, Kirsty McColl and Shane MacGown. Thank you for “Fairytale”

By Dai Bando published 12/20/2021 (updated 11/30/2023)

There are five new additions to my annual “Greatest Christmas Songs” list, now thirty songs in total! This is disconcerting, since my original raison d’être was that there are only about ten good Christmas songs. Then ten became fifteen, then twenty-five, and now thirty.

So, I appear to be wr…wr… challenged, in my original belief.

Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is not on the list, despite the fact that the song has had 309 million streams across all platforms in the US. In truth, there’s probably a derth of “uber-hits” here, with the exception of the classics from Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. But there are beautiful hymns, traditional carols and several slightly-obscure Christmas pop chestnuts. Sorry, Mariah – you don’t make the cut this year.

We lost some wonderful performers from the list post-Covid, notably Paddy Moloney of the Chieftains, Nanci Griffith, Sinead O’Connor and only yesterday, the legendary Shane MacGowan. Rest in Peace and thank you for your music.


30. “Simple Gifts” performed by YoYo Ma and Alison Krauss

“Simple Gifts” is special to me because it was performed at my daughter’s annual school holiday concert. At “Lumina,” the senior girls would sing in candlelight procession entering a building packed with smartly dressed parents and grandparents – none wearing face-masks, because this would’ve appeared simply nutters ten years ago. Ah, those carefree days of 2011!

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848. The lyrics are:

“’Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.”

Finding ourselves “where we ought to be” – what could be a more wonderful Christmas gift than that?

On this recording, Yo Yo Ma contributes his masterful cello playing while Alison Krauss adds her typically sublime vocals. Such an extraordinary ode to simplicity!

A Christmas Quiz:

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848 by:
A. Barbeque Bob
B. Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett
C. Bumblebee Slim

29. Auld Lang Syne” performed by Johnny Cunningham and Susan McKeown

I find New Years as much a spiritual time as Christmas, perhaps even more-so. This version of Robert Burns “Auld Land Syne” includes both Burns’ original Scottish melody, as well as the familiar Guy Lombardo update.
“We’ll tak a cup of kindness yet” – how beautiful! I was fortunate to see the late Johnny Cunningham and Irish singer Susan McKeown perform together at a small garden concert some years ago – a treasured memory. Rest in Peace, Johnny. Slàinte Susan!

28. “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus” performed by Brenda Lee

I first heard this novelty when it was featured in the 1988 film The Accidental Tourist, with actress Geena Davis singing these goofy lyrics while baking Christmas cookies. At the amazing age of nine (!), Brenda Lee recorded “Lasso Santa Claus” – two full years before recording her better-known hit “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree.” The only younger performer on my list here is probably “Cindy-Lou Who” who sings backup on “Dah Who Doraze”, but since the Whos’ ages are measured in ‘dog years’, she was technically seventy-five.)

I love the musicianship on “Lasso”, notably Nashville legend Don Helms playing that tasty double-neck steel guitar (Helms played in Hank Williams band and recorded with Hank, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash.)

I also I love the woke lyric:
“Then I’ll take his bags of toys and run
And bring to all the kids who don’t have none”


Hellsyeah, Brenda! Power to the people. Stick it to the man!

Read more: Listen to Shane Mac’s “Fairytale” and more from our Mariah Carey-less Top 30 Christmas songs!

#27 “Snowfall” performed by Ahmad Jamal Trio

Written by husband-wife team of Claude and Ruth Thornhill, this song is perfect for your Christmas cocktail Jazz party. Your guests will ask, “Is this a bonus track from Charlie Brown’s Christmas?” And you can pour a martini and reply, “I should say not! This is a 1958 live performance by the Ahmad Jamal Trio !” (If in Glasgow, add “… ya clueless bawbag!”)

“Snowfall” has been recorded by Tony Bennet and Wes Montgomery, as well as “Enoch Light and the Light Brigade” and NRBQ (wouldn’t those two bands have been a great twin-bill live show?)

Ahmad Jamal’s evocative instrumental version is my favorite rendition of this tune. You can almost see the snowflakes falling – am I right?

#26 Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel (traditional)


I’ve seen it written that this hymn has an “undeniably spooky quality to it” and I can’t disagree. The music is set in a minor key, and the lyric speaks of “mourning in lonely exile”, a mention of a ransom, and who is this mal hombre Emmanuel, anyway? Listen to the eerie church organ in this recording by The Choir of King’s College, Cambridge. I almost expect to see the camera pan to reveal Vincent Price playing!

In the Book of Isaiah, the prophesied messiah is called Emmanuel, which means means “God is with us.” I like that. It’s exactly where God oughta be.

Original titled “Veni Veni Emmanuel” this dates back to the twelfth century, and as we all know, the good Christians of 12th century really had their shit together when it came to producing beautiful hymns, majestic cathedrals and bloody crusades.

The darkness in this song, described as “mingled joy and sorrow performed in a minor key”, agrees with Christmas in the age of Covid. Yet the song reminds us, God is with us.

More about this song at America: The Jesuit Review

25. “2000 Miles” – The Pretenders (1983)

A beautiful Christmas song by Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, written for the band’s founding guitarist James Honeyman-Scott who died 1983 at 25 years old, the year the song was written. (Robbie McIntosh replaced him and plays magnificent lead here.) Chrissie’s vocals and Robbie’s guitars create a holiday masterpiece that’s full of both melancholy and hope.

“And these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream
You appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow
Sparkle”

Chrissie’s heartfelt lyrics remind me of Pablo Nurado’s poem about death, grief and ultimately living, The Dead Woman:

“Forgive me If you are not living
If you, beloved, my love,
If you have died
All the leaves will fall on my breast
It will rain on my soul all night, all day
My feet will want to march
to where you are sleeping
But I shall go on living”

24. The Wexford Carol (traditional)

This is one of the oldest carols, originating from County Wexford, Ireland. The recording is from The Chieftains “Bells of Dublin” LP which I consider indispensable for holiday gatherings.

We recently lost Paddy Moloney and Nanci Griffith who perform on this track from The Bells of Dublin. They were each great ambassadors of their particular brands of folk music. Rest in Peace.

23.“River” – Joni Mitchell (1971)

One my very favorite performers from the ‘60s, Joni Mitchell wrote this heartbreaking song which first appeared on her classic album ‘Blue’. I love “River, “from the ‘jingle bells’ piano intro to Joni’s lyric “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Who hasn’t wished for this during this Covid winter?

22. Jingle Bells (with “Batman smells” verse)

“Jingle Bells” was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1857. I believe Pierpont’s song is best appreciated when performed by frozen-mitten wearing kids singing at the top of their lungs, and adding the “Batman smells” verse.
What 5th grade boy hasn’t sung “jingle bells, batman smells” while huddled in the wintry schoolyard with his pal Tommy, lusting after Mrs. Fouch – the only teacher at St. Peters who wasn’t a nun. (OK, maybe that was just me and Tommy Tanner, but you get the idea.)
The first version of the Batman Smells verse surfaced in the 1966 Christmas season when the Batman TV show (with Adam West – the greatest Batman) was becoming a massive hit. “Batman Smells” was further glorified by Bart Simpson in “The Simpsons Christmas Special,” in December of 1989. Lisa Simpson was undoubtably wishing for a river she could skate away on.

21. “Greensleeves” (traditional)

I fell in love with this song at the afternoon matinee showing of “How the West Was Won” at the the Warwick Cinema, back when and a box of popcorn cost 50 cents and the longer movies such as this one had “Intermissions.” In the 1962 movie, Debbie Reynolds sings “A Home in the Meadow,” which was essentially the music of “Greensleeves” with American frontier lyrics added by Tin Pan Alley songman Sammy Cahn. What’s that got to do with Christmas? As Yukon Cornelius might say, “Nuthin!” But read on!

The original “Lady Greensleeves” was an English folk song dating back to 1580. There is a some belief that the ballad was actually composed by Henry the VIII who was an accomplished musician before he got fat and nasty. (He was said to be a wiz on the tennis court, too – imagine that!) Now, at that time in England, to label a woman “green sleeves” was meant to suggest she was prone to enjoying a roll around in the grass (getting green stains on her… well, you get the idea.) So this song was a 16th century “I’m too sexy for my shirt.”

Fast forward to 1865 when Christian hymn writer William Chatterton Dix thought it prudent to remove the randy “greens sleeves” reference altogether and rename the song “What Child Is This?”- a question that can indeed follow a roll in the grass, I suppose.

I love Greensleeves best without any lyrics – either played unadorned on acoustic guitar or the orchestral version by Ralph Vaughan Williams. And thank you Debbie Reynolds, mostly for giving us Carrie Fisher. What child was that one!

Read more

Shane Mac’s “Fairytale” and our Top 30 Christmas songs

By Dai Bando published 12/20/2021 (updated 11/30/2023)

There are five new additions to my annual “Greatest Christmas Songs” list, now thirty songs in total! This is disconcerting, since my original raison d’être was the claim that there are only about ten good Christmas songs. Then ten became fifteen, then twenty-five, and now thirty.

So, I appear to be wr…wr… challenged, in my original belief.

We lost some wonderful performers from the list post-Covid, notably Paddy Moloney of the Chieftains, Nanci Griffith, Sinead O’Connor and only yesterday, the legendary Shane MacGowan. Rest in Peace and thank you for the music.

Below is the list, updated with new hymns, traditional carols and Christmas pop songs.

30. “Simple Gifts” performed by YoYo Ma and Alison Krauss

“Simple Gifts” is special to me because it was performed at my daughter’s annual school holiday concert, called “Lumina”. The senior girls would sing in candlelight procession entering a building packed with smartly dressed parents and grandparents – none wearing face-masks, because this would’ve appeared nutters ten years ago. Ah, the carefree days of 2011!

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848. The lyrics are:

“’Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.”

Finding ourselves “in the place just right.” What could be a more wonderful Christmas gift than that?

On this recording, Yo Yo Ma contributes his masterful cello playing while Alison Krauss adds her typically sublime vocals. Such an extraordinary ode to simplicity!

A Christmas Quiz:

“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848 by:
A. Barbeque Bob
B. Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett
C. Bumblebee Slim

29. Auld Lang Syne” performed by Johnny Cunningham and Susan McKeown

I find New Years as much a spiritual time as Christmas, perhaps even more-so. This version of Robert Burns “Auld Land Syne” includes both Burns’ original Scottish melody, as well as the familiar Guy Lombardo update. “We’ll tak a cup of kindness yet” – how beautiful! I was fortunate to see the late Johnny Cunningham and Irish singer Susan McKeown perform together at a small garden concert some years ago – a treasured memory. Rest in Peace, Johnny. Slàinte Susan!

28. “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus” performed by Brenda Lee

I first heard this novelty when it was featured in the 1988 film The Accidental Tourist, with actress Geena Davis singing these goofy lyrics while baking Christmas cookies. At the amazing age of nine (!), Brenda Lee recorded “Lasso Santa Claus” – two full years before recording her better-known hit “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree.” The only younger performer on my list here is probably “Cindy-Lou Who” who sings backup on “Dah Who Doraze”, but since the Whos’ ages are measured in ‘dog years’, she was technically seventy-five.)

I love the musicianship on “Lasso”, notably Nashville legend Don Helms playing that tasty double-neck steel guitar (Helms played in Hank Williams band and recorded with Hank, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash.)

I also I love the woke lyric:
“Then I’ll take his bags of toys and run
And bring to all the kids who don’t have none”


Hellsyeah, Brenda! Power to the people. Stick it to the man!

#27 “Snowfall” performed by Ahmad Jamal Trio

Written by husband-wife team of Claude and Ruth Thornhill, this song is perfect for your Christmas cocktail Jazz party. Your guests will ask, “Is this a bonus track from Charlie Brown’s Christmas?” And you can pour a martini and reply, “I should say not! This is a 1958 live performance by the Ahmad Jamal Trio !” (If in Glasgow, add “… ya clueless bawbag!”)

“Snowfall” has been recorded by Tony Bennet and Wes Montgomery, as well as “Enoch Light and the Light Brigade” and NRBQ (wouldn’t those two bands have been a great twin-bill live show?)

Ahmad Jamal’s evocative instrumental version is my favorite rendition of this tune. You can almost see the snowflakes falling – am I right?

#26 Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel (traditional)


I’ve seen it written that this hymn has an “undeniably spooky quality to it” and I can’t disagree. The music is set in a minor key, and the lyric speaks of “mourning in lonely exile”, a mention of a ransom, and who is this mal hombre Emmanuel, anyway? Listen to the eerie church organ in this recording by The Choir of King’s College, Cambridge. I almost expect to see the camera pan to reveal Vincent Price playing!

In the Book of Isaiah, the prophesied messiah is called Emmanuel, which means means “God is with us.” I like that. It’s exactly where God oughta be.

Original titled “Veni Veni Emmanuel” this dates back to the twelfth century, and as we all know, the good Christians of 12th century really had their shit together when it came to producing beautiful hymns, majestic cathedrals and bloody crusades.

The darkness in this song, described as “mingled joy and sorrow performed in a minor key”, agrees with Christmas in the age of Covid. Yet the song reminds us, God is with us.

More about this song at America: The Jesuit Review

25. “2000 Miles” – The Pretenders (1983)

A beautiful Christmas song by Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, written for the band’s founding guitarist James Honeyman-Scott who died 1983 at 25 years old, the year the song was written. (Robbie McIntosh replaced him and plays magnificent lead here.) Chrissie’s vocals and Robbie’s guitars create a holiday masterpiece that’s full of both melancholy and hope.

“And these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream
You appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow
Sparkle”

Chrissie’s heartfelt lyrics remind me of Pablo Nurado’s poem about death, grief and ultimately living, The Dead Woman:

“Forgive me If you are not living
If you, beloved, my love,
If you have died
All the leaves will fall on my breast
It will rain on my soul all night, all day
My feet will want to march
to where you are sleeping
But I shall go on living”

24. The Wexford Carol (traditional)

This is one of the oldest carols, originating from County Wexford, Ireland. The recording is from The Chieftains “Bells of Dublin” LP which I consider indispensable for holiday gatherings.

We recently lost Paddy Moloney and Nanci Griffith who perform on this track from The Bells of Dublin. They were each great ambassadors of their particular brands of folk music. Rest in Peace.

23.“River” – Joni Mitchell (1971)

One my very favorite performers from the ‘60s, Joni Mitchell wrote this heartbreaking song which first appeared on her classic album ‘Blue’. I love “River, “from the ‘jingle bells’ piano intro to Joni’s lyric “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Who hasn’t wished for this during this Covid winter?

22. Jingle Bells (with “Batman smells” verse)

“Jingle Bells” was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1857. I believe Pierpont’s song is best appreciated when performed by frozen-mitten wearing kids singing at the top of their lungs, and adding the “Batman smells” verse.
What 5th grade boy hasn’t sung “jingle bells, batman smells” while huddled in the wintry schoolyard with his pal Tommy, lusting after Mrs. Fouch – the only teacher at St. Peters who wasn’t a nun. (OK, maybe that was just me and Tommy Tanner, but you get the idea.)
The first version of the Batman Smells verse surfaced in the 1966 Christmas season when the Batman TV show (with Adam West – the greatest Batman) was becoming a massive hit. “Batman Smells” was further glorified by Bart Simpson in “The Simpsons Christmas Special,” in December of 1989. Lisa Simpson was undoubtably wishing for a river she could skate away on.

21. “Greensleeves” (traditional)

I fell in love with this song at the afternoon matinee showing of “How the West Was Won” at the the Warwick Cinema, back when and a box of popcorn cost 50 cents and the longer movies such as this one had “Intermissions.” In the 1962 movie, Debbie Reynolds sings “A Home in the Meadow,” which was essentially the music of “Greensleeves” with American frontier lyrics added by Tin Pan Alley songman Sammy Cahn. What’s that got to do with Christmas? As Yukon Cornelius might say, “Nuthin!” But read on!

The original “Lady Greensleeves” was an English folk song dating back to 1580. There is a some belief that the ballad was actually composed by Henry the VIII who was an accomplished musician before he got fat and nasty. (He was said to be a wiz on the tennis court, too – imagine that!) Now, at that time in England, to label a woman “green sleeves” was meant to suggest she was prone to enjoying a roll around in the grass (getting green stains on her… well, you get the idea.) So this song was a 16th century “I’m too sexy for my shirt.”

Fast forward to 1865 when Christian hymn writer William Chatterton Dix thought it prudent to remove the randy “greens sleeves” reference altogether and rename the song “What Child Is This?”- a question that can indeed follow a roll in the grass, I suppose.

I love Greensleeves best without any lyrics – either played unadorned on acoustic guitar or the orchestral version by Ralph Vaughan Williams. And thank you Debbie Reynolds, mostly for giving us Carrie Fisher. What child was that one!

Read more

Remove your red MAGA cap and read these awesome presidential endorsements!

By Michael Stevenson, aka “Johnny Foreigner”

** ROCK N ROLL **

Who doesn’t love BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN?
A brilliant performer and writer, Bruce has musically chronicled the “runaway American dream” for nearly five decades. From 1972’s Greetings from Asbury Park to his new release Letter to You, Bruce has shown why he is known as “The Boss.” In the genre of American Rock ‘n Roll, he clearly is that.

And “The Boss” really hates “The Donald.” Infact, The Boss wants him fired.

”There’s no art in this White House. There’s no literature, no poetry, no music. There are no pets in this White House. No loyal man’s best friend, no Socks the family cat. There are no images of the first family enjoying themselves together in a moment of relaxation: no Obamas on the beach in Hawaii moments, or the Bushes fishing in Kennebunkport, no Reagans on horseback, no Kennedys playing touch football on the Cape. Where’d that country go? Where did all the fun, the joy and the expression of love and happiness go? We used to have a president who calmed and soothed a nation, instead of dividing it. We are now rudderless and joyless. We have lost the cultural aspects of society that have always made America great. We have lost our mojo, our fun, our happiness, our cheering on of others— the shared experience of humanity that makes it all worth it. We need to reclaim that country once again.”
-Bruce Springsteen (10/30/2020, SiriusXM)

Not only does Bruce endorse Joe Biden, but Biden once somewhat-jokingly endorsed Bruce! “The middle class would have the best chance with Bruce Springsteen as president,” Biden said in a 2016 interview. “He understands issues facing working Americans.”

Wow! That’s probably just how Trump feels about Ted Nugent.

TED NUGENT has none of Springsteen’s compassion, honesty, or artistic talent. As well as performing music, Nugent serves on the Board of Directors of the NRA. “I own many guns,” he says proudly. “I carry many guns. I shoot many guns. I fondle many guns. I caress many guns. I worship many guns.”

Mmmm …OK.

Nugent once had some disgusting words for the father of a gun violence victim at one of his rock concerts, calling the grieving dad a “piece of s–t” and a “dumb f–k.”

An unapologetic racist, Nugent once called President Obama a “subhuman mongrel.”

Like Donald Trump, Nugent was a draft dodger. In interviews, he has boasted about “defecating and urinating in his pants” at the draft board office to avoid service to his country. The con-job was a success, though probably a bit messier than faking bone spurs.

One of Nugent’s songs is entitled “Jailbait.” Here’s the lyrics:

“Well, I don’t care if you’re just 13
You look too good to be true
I just know that you’re probably clean…
Jailbait you look fine, fine, fine…
It’s quite alright, I asked your mama
Wait a minute, officer
Don’t put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her, and I’ll share her with you.”

Nugent has played his music at many official Republican events and Trump rallies, and was even invited to the White House. Imagine that.

Oh yes – as well as being a degenerate, his records also really suck.

** WRESTLING **

I must admit, I stopped watching pro wresting since my hero, the legendary George “The Animal” Steele retired in 1990, but I’ve long admired Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock.” He was a WWF champion and wisely moved on from the steroid-rotten WWE to become a very successful TV-Film actor. “The Rock” recently said, “I’ve voted for both parties in the past. In this critical presidential election, I’m endorsing Joe Biden.” I bet George “the Animal” Steele chewed-up a padded turnbuckle in heaven to celebrate “The Rock’s” endorsement. Bravo!

In 2018, WWE chairman VINCE MCMAHON had a net worth reaching nearly $4 billion. Thank the Lord for illegal steroids, eh Vince? Trump is a longtime friend of McMahon, and once famously shaved McMahon’s head in stunt at WrestleMania event. Think anyone every paid a buck to watch Dwight Eisenhower shave somebody else’s head – or even his own? Nah.

In 2016, Trump nominated McMahon’s wife Linda to head his Small Business Admin. Linda has since stepped down from that post to work full-time on Trump’s reelection.


In 1992 WWE referee Rita Chatterton, accused husband Vince McMahon of rape.

Dozens of pro wrestlers have died, many from suicide, due to steroid abuse. Steroids is what made McMahon’s WWE a financial juggernaut.

Vince McMahon is a shameless parasite.

** COVID DOCTORS **

The distinguished Holy Cross graduate DR. ANTHONY FAUCI is the most trusted medical professional in America, and with good reason.

When asked recently who the public can trust during the pandemic, Fauci said Americans “can trust respected medical authorities who have a track record of giving information and policy and recommendations based on scientific evidence and good data.” Seems easy enough, right?
Yet that same day as Fauci’s statement on trust, Twitter removed a tweet from Trump’s Covid task force that “sought to undermine the importance of face masks because it was in violation of the platform’s Covid-19 Misleading Information Policy.” Phew!

Meanwhile, Trump’s other favorite Covid doctor, Dr. STELLA GRACE IMMANUEL promoted hydroxychloroquine as a Covid miracle cure. (IMPORTANT NOTE: Ingesting hydroxychloroquine is extremely dangerous. DO NOT DO THIS)

Dr. Immanuel also alleges space alien DNA is currently used in medical treatments, and that scientists are cooking up a vaccine to prevent people from being religious. Hell, I don’t need a vaccine to skip church on Sunday, doc!

Dr. Immanuel was recently sued for medical malpractice over the death of one of her patients. “You don’t need masks.” She claimed. “There is a cure.”

Her dead patient no longer needs a mask, that’s for certain.

** CHEERS **

I still love watching reruns of “Cheers” and that show’s star TED DANSON continues to have a cracking career where “everybody knows his name.”(Check out Danson in both “The Good Place” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”) The same cannot be said for former co-star KIRSTIE ALLEY, who made a short tv comeback in 2005’s “Fat Actress.” Alley endorsed President Trump for a second term, because “he’s not a politician.” An avowed Scientologist, Kirstie illustrates just how easy it is to go from one cult to another.
On “Cheers”, I always preferred Shelly Long’s Diane” to Alley’s “Rebecca”. Who wouldn’t? Ted Danson of course, is a Biden guy through-and-through.

** RAP **

I know next to nothing about Rap Music, however I respect the fact it holds an important place in American culture. The one rapper I’ve actually heard an entire song from (do we call them ‘songs’?) is EMINEM. He’s probably considered very old hat by now – but he was a VERY big deal in the 1990s. Eminem continuously trolls Trump for his racism, cruelty, stupidity, and especially for the lack of gun control reform. Eminem even says that Trump supporters cannot be his fans. So there!

Eminem’s lyrics are often vulgar and misoginistic, but hell – he’s a rapper, whaddayawant?

A more current rapper is LIL PUMP. He not only endorses Donald Trump, but really gives it to Joe Biden in one of his dumb-and-ugly video messages:
“All I gotta say is Trump 2020 (expeletive). (Expletive) I look like paying 33 in taxes for Biden. (Expletive) sleepy Joe.”
Not exactly Cole Porter, but message received Lil Pump!

Lil Pump is from Miami. I wonder if he knows Little Marco?

** COMEDY **

Comedy Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus just might be America’s favorite comedienne. The “Veep” and “Seinfeld” star hosted this year’s DNC and destroyed the Trump Crime Family with flawless comedic deliveries: “Just remember: Joe Biden goes to church so regularly that he does not even need tear gas and a bunch of federalized troops to help him get there.” I so love Julia.

Then there’s Trump supporter ROSEANNE BARR. ABC promptly canceled her recent “Roseanne” show-reboot after she attacked former White House adviser Valerie Jarrett, a woman of color, by comparing her to an ape.
Remember when Roseanne infamously screeched the national anthem before a Padres baseball game? It was “a national disgrace,” said opera star Robert Merrill, who had sung the anthem in New York’s Yankee Stadium for 18 years. “It was to me like burning of the flag.” Some war veterans at the stadium that day were said to be actually crying. When Roseanne finished the anthem, she rose her middle finger to the booing crowd.

Roseanne: Proud Republican. Proud Trump supporter.

** BASKETBALL **

Bill Russell was my very first hero and his biography was the first book I ever read. I’m pretty sure he’s the only basketball player to win an NCAA championship, and Olympic Gold Medal, AND an NBA championship (11 of these for gawdsake!). Russell is dignified, always intelligent, very funny and deeply political still at age 86. The great Bill Russell calls Trump essentially “a coward.” He’s endorsing Biden.

Then of course there is BOBBY KNIGHT, former coach for the Indiana Hoosiers. In 2016, Knight said that he believed Trump would become “one of the four great presidents of the United States.” An impeccable judge of talent (note sarcasm), Knight was the coach that actually allowed Larry Bird to transfer out of his Indiana basketball program as a freshman. Knight was also the coach who cut Charles Barkley from the ’84 Olympic squad. Like Trump, Knight is essentially loudmouth jerk and narcissistic bully. He was fired from Indiana University in 2000 for harassing staff and students. I’ve aways hated him. He’s pathetic,

** BASEBALL **

Boy, do Red Sox fans miss PEDRO MARTINEZ these days! Pedro was not only the greatest pitcher in Red Sox history – he was his best during steroid-fueled era! Pitching aside, Pedro was soooo refreshing and hilarious in the clubhouse and front of the camera. Remember when Pedro had his teammates duck tape him head-to-toe in the dugout during a game for the NESN TV cameras? Today’s MLB stars are dreadfully tedious – without question the worst interviews of any of the major sports. Baseball needs more Pedros.


During Trump’s years in office, Pedro has donated and raised millions for victims of Hurricanes Maria and Irma in Puerto Rico. “To me, it’s a blessing to be able to give back a little bit. I think it’s rewarding because of the opportunity I got through baseball, I’m able to give back a little bit,” said Martinez. Visiting the island after the catastrophe, Pedro never once thought to throw paper towels at the traumatized people. I wonder why?

“Giving back a little bit” is something blowhard CURT SCHILLING was forced to do to Rhode Island taxpayers after the former Red Sox pitcher defaulted on loans and (like Trump) slithered into bankruptcy court in the infamous 38 Studios scandal.

The whole sleazy financial affair was so very … well, Trump-like! It is no wonder Schilling endorses the current president as Schilling ran 38 Studios much like the president did with his Trump University and Trump Airlines. Grifters unite!

ESPN fired Schilling from his analyst job in 2016, after he shared a hateful post about transgender people on Facebook.

Curt Schilling collects Nazi war memorabilia. Really – just ask the hypocrite blowhard and he will talk about it.

[Get the facts about Curt Schilling and the 38 Studio scandal HERE ]

** RELIGION **

The beautiful and courageous Catholic POPE FRANCIS recently attacked unfettered capitalism as “a new tyranny.” His recent writings are seen as a pointed rebuke to Donald Trump in a number of areas, including immigration, systemized racism, and climate change denial.
The Pope even criticized Covid response: “I saw the cruelty and inequity of our society exposed more vividly than ever before.”

And how about this one: “A person who thinks only of building walls and not building bridges is not Christian.” Who is he talking about here – Hunter Biden or Hillary?

Now, Francis’ interpretation of Jesus Christ’s message is NOT shared by REV. JERRY FALWELL JR. This fundamentalist Christian chawmouth and loyal Trumpist was recently fired from his billion dollar cashew Liberty University. Seems Falwell was having a sexual affair involving him, his wife and a pool boy. Mainly, Falwell liked to watch (and not the TV, Chauncy Gardner fans).

Falwell is mainly just another wealthy con man. If he ever had to really work for an honest day’s pay – he’d be totally lost and completely broke.
Just like DonaldTrump.

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