The other day I experienced the inhuman assault on Christmas.
I was in a cafe, trying to work, counting on the familiar harmony of conversation and music.
But something was wrong. No one was talking, perhaps because the music was eerie. Since I was trying to focus, I didn’t immediately notice the problem. I just kept experiencing an irritation that kept me from concentrating on the paper in front of me.
Timothy Snyder
And so I lifted my head from my notebook and listened. And was disturbed.
What seemed at first to be winter songs and Christmas carols were something else. The melodies were more or less correct — recognizable as “Silent Night,” “The First Noël,” “Winter Wonderland.” But the voice was generically earnest, a bland baritone bellowing, straining, I felt, from nowhere to nowhere.
And the lyrics were wrong. Not just mistaken here or there, but wrong in a sort of patterned way. All of the specific references to the nativity were expunged, replaced with metaphysical blather (”oh and that sacred star… that sacred star!”).
And the human parts had gone missing as well. In “Winter Wonderland,” which is a love song, we should hear this nice couplet about a pair taking a walk:
In the meadow, we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
In the song as I heard it in the café, that lyric became:
In the meadow we can find a snowman
And pretend that he is a nice old guy
That was then followed by some meaningless verbiage about dancing the night away, where “guy” is lamely rhymed with the sun being high. Again, the actual song:
In the meadow, we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say, “Are you married?” We’ll say, “No man,
But you can do the job when you’re in town.”
In these four lines we hear so much. The young couple are doing something together, and telling a story to each other about what they are doing. Parson Brown, inside the fantasy world we share, is a specific person with attributes, which we imagine by reference to the snowman. Their attitude to him is playful yet respectful. The lovers are not yet married but they want to be. They are outside the rules for the moment, acting out their love in public, but they understand the conventions and want to join them. The layers in these lines descend gently upon the listener, like snowfall in sunlight.
My mind was awaiting all that; the vacuum of “nice old guy” strained the neurons, or the soul.
I first heard “Winter Wonderland” about forty years after Richard Bernhard Smith died in 1935; fifty more years have passed since then. Behind that lyric is an actual man, inspired by snowfall in a park, who no doubt knew something about romance; a young man ill with tuberculosis, who would die months after writing the lyric; and then the song lives after him, preserving his own playful sense of how we might be together, passed on from those who sing to those who listen.
The art lives until it is killed. What, in this case, is killing the song? Killing Christmas? Killing civilization? It is a set of algorithms that we flatteringly call AI, or artificial intelligence. My guess would be that someone, somewhere, entered an instruction to generate winter and Christmas songs that avoided “controversial” subjects such as divine and human love. And so we get mush. In a reverse sublimation, the sacred becomes slop.
In our politics, we have the idea that Christmas has somehow been sullied by all the foreigners. But who are the true aliens in this Christmas story? The non-human entities. The example of the tortured winter song is just one of many. Basic cultural forms are weakened under the assault of algorithms designed to monopolize attention: classroom teaching; sharing of food, simple conversation; holiday ritual. Music.
People, of course, make money on this. A few people make a lot of money. And, in some notable cases. they are the very people who tell us that foreigners are destroying our civilization, are taking Christmas away from us, and all the rest. The people who profit from the culture-wrecking machines blame other people, who have nothing to do with it. And meanwhile those who actually sing the songs have trouble finding listeners.
“Winter Wonderland” is a light bit of music, with a subtle message about romance, one that requires some patience and some experience and a sense of humor. Any references there might be to the holiday itself are indirect and playful: the imaginary parson with the melting reproof, the wandering unmarried couple.
“And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” The carols bear a message about love, one that that no machine will understand, and that those who profit from the machine perhaps do not want us to understand. Love begins humbly, takes risks, recognizes the other, ends in pain, returns as song. And begins humbly again.
I know that many among us dislike the early onslaught of Christmas music playing in grocery stores, shopping malls, government-run immigration detention centers, etc. Years ago, I wrote a Hobbledehoy post claiming there are only ten good Christmas songs. I’ve since expanded that total to thirty songs, which of course destroys my entire original premise. Serves me right for being such a pretentious bastard!
Hrumph.
Anyway, last Sunday I guest-hosted the weekly radio show Shades of Blue on WRIU and played three hours of classic Blues music, sans the mistletoe. During the show, I received a phone call at the studio thanking me for not playing any Christmas Blues tracks (B.B. King, Charles Brown, and John Lee Hooker each recorded Christmas songs) Is there an LP out there titled “I Saw Mommy Kissing Peg Leg Howell?” I wouldn’t doubt it.
Soon it will be time to just “give in” to the Christmas music blitz, but until then, I thought a replay of my Shades of Blue program might be appreciated by the hobbledehoy among us. As John Lee Hooker would say, “I’m in the mood, baby. Yes, I’m in the mood.”
LISTEN TO THE SHOW (Below)
PREACHIN’, MOANIN’ & HOWLIN’
• Rev. D.C. Rice “The Same King of Power Over Here” [Rev. D.C. Rice Complete Recorded Works (1928-1930]
• Miles Caton & DC6 Singers Collective – “This Little Light of Mine” [from the film Sinners, 2025]
• Son House “Preachin’ Blues” [1930]
• Tedeschi-Trucks Band “So Long Saviour” [I Am the Moon: II. Ascension, 2022]
• Tom Waits “Chocolate Jesus” [Mule Variations, 1999]
• Harmonica Frank “Howlin’ Tom Cat” (Bo Carter)1952
• Lead Belly “Moanin'” [1935]
• Howlin’ Wolf “Howlin’ for my Darling” [1959]
THE BIG HOUSE & A SMALL KITCHEN
• Bukka White “When Can I Change My Clothes” [1940, Chicago]
• Paul Geremia “Skin Game Blues” (Peg Leg Howell) [Gamblin Woman’s Blues, 1992]
• Delaney & Bonnie w Duane Allman “Come On In My Kitchen” [Anthology Vol. 2]
Rest in Peace, Kirsty McColl and Shane MacGowan. Thank you for “Fairytale”
By Dai Bando published 12/20/2021 (updated 11/30/2023)
There are five new additions to my annual “Greatest Christmas Songs” list, now thirty songs in total! This is disconcerting, since my original raison d’être was that there are only about ten good Christmas songs. Then ten became fifteen, then twenty-five, and now thirty.
So, I appear to be wr…wr… challenged, in my original belief.
Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is not on the list, despite the fact that the song has had 309 million streams across all platforms in the US. In truth, there’s probably a dearth of “uber-hits” here, with the exception of the classics from Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. But there are beautiful hymns, traditional carols and several slightly obscure Christmas pop chestnuts. Sorry, Mariah – you don’t make the cut this year.
We lost some wonderful performers from the list post-Covid, notably Paddy Moloney of the Chieftains, Nanci Griffith, Sinead O’Connor and only yesterday, the legendary Shane MacGowan. Rest in Peace and thank you for your music.
30. “Simple Gifts” performed by YoYo Ma and Alison Krauss
“Simple Gifts” is special to me because it was performed at my daughter’s annual school holiday concert. At “Lumina,” the senior girls would sing in candlelight procession, entering a building packed with smartly dressed parents and grandparents – none wearing face-masks, because this would’ve appeared simply nutters ten years ago. Ah, those carefree days of 2011!
“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848. The lyrics are:
“’Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free ’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, ‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.”
Finding ourselves “where we ought to be” – what could be a more wonderful Christmas gift than that?
On this recording, Yo Yo Ma contributes his masterful cello playing while Alison Krauss adds her typically sublime vocals. Such an extraordinary ode to simplicity!
A Christmas Quiz:
“Simple Gifts” was written in 1848 by: A. Barbeque Bob B. Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett C. Bumblebee Slim
29. Auld Lang Syne” performed by Johnny Cunningham and Susan McKeown
I find New Years as much a spiritual time as Christmas, perhaps even more so. This version of Robert Burns “Auld Land Syne” includes both Burns’ original Scottish melody, as well as the familiar Guy Lombardo update. “We’ll tak a cup of kindness yet” – how beautiful! I was fortunate to see the late Johnny Cunningham and Irish singer Susan McKeown perform together at a small garden concert some years ago – a treasured memory. Rest in Peace, Johnny. Slàinte Susan!
28. “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus” performed by Brenda Lee
I first heard this novelty when it was featured in the 1988 film The Accidental Tourist, with actress Geena Davis singing these goofy lyrics while baking Christmas cookies. At the amazing age of nine (!), Brenda Lee recorded “Lasso Santa Claus” – two full years before recording her better-known hit “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree.” The only younger performer on my list here is probably “Cindy-Lou Who” who sings backup on “Dah Who Doraze”, but since the Whos’ ages are measured in ‘dog years’, she was technically seventy-five.)
I love the musicianship on “Lasso”, notably Nashville legend Don Helms playing that tasty double-neck steel guitar (Helms played in Hank Williams band and recorded with Hank, Patsy Cline and Johnny Cash.)
I also I love the woke lyric: “Then I’ll take his bags of toys and run And bring to all the kids who don’t have none”
Hellsyeah, Brenda! Power to the people. Stick it to the man!
Written by husband-wife team of Claude and Ruth Thornhill, this song is perfect for your Christmas cocktail Jazz party. Your guests will ask, “Is this a bonus track from Charlie Brown’s Christmas?” And you can pour a martini and reply, “I should say not! This is a 1958 live performance by the Ahmad Jamal Trio !” (If in Glasgow, add “… ya clueless bawbag!”)
“Snowfall” has been recorded by Tony Bennet and Wes Montgomery, as well as “Enoch Light and the Light Brigade” and NRBQ (wouldn’t those two bands have been a great twin-bill live show?)
Ahmad Jamal’s evocative instrumental version is my favorite rendition of this tune. You can almost see the snowflakes falling – am I right?
#26 Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel (traditional)
I’ve seen it written that this hymn has an “undeniably spooky quality to it” and I can’t disagree. The music is set in a minor key, and the lyric speaks of “mourning in lonely exile”, a mention of a ransom, and who is this mal hombre Emmanuel, anyway? Listen to the eerie church organ in this recording by The Choir of King’s College, Cambridge. I almost expect to see the camera pan to reveal Vincent Price playing!
In the Book of Isaiah, the prophesied messiah is called Emmanuel, which means means “God is with us.” I like that. It’s exactly where God oughta be.
Original titled “Veni Veni Emmanuel” this dates back to the twelfth century, and as we all know, the good Christians of 12th century really had their shit together when it came to producing beautiful hymns, majestic cathedrals and bloody crusades.
The darkness in this song, described as “mingled joy and sorrow performed in a minor key”, agrees with Christmas in the age of Covid. Yet the song reminds us, God is with us.
A beautiful Christmas song by Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders, written for the band’s founding guitarist James Honeyman-Scott who died 1983 at 25 years old, the year the song was written. (Robbie McIntosh replaced him and plays a magnificent lead here.) Chrissie’s vocals and Robbie’s guitars create a holiday masterpiece that’s full of both melancholy and hope.
“And these frozen and silent nights Sometimes in a dream You appear Outside under the purple sky Diamonds in the snow Sparkle”
Chrissie’s heartfelt lyrics remind me of Pablo Nurado’s poem about death, grief and ultimately living, The Dead Woman:
“Forgive me If you are not living If you, beloved, my love, If you have died All the leaves will fall on my breast It will rain on my soul all night, all day My feet will want to march to where you are sleeping But I shall go on living”
24. The Wexford Carol (traditional)
This is one of the oldest carols, originating from County Wexford, Ireland. The recording is from The Chieftains “Bells of Dublin” LP, which I consider indispensable for holiday gatherings.
We recently lost Paddy Moloney and Nanci Griffith who perform on this track from The Bells of Dublin. They were each great ambassadors of their particular brands of folk music. Rest in Peace.
23.“River” – Joni Mitchell (1971)
One my very favorite performers from the ‘60s, Joni Mitchell wrote this heartbreaking song which first appeared on her classic album ‘Blue’. I love “River, “from the ‘jingle bells’ piano intro to Joni’s lyric “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Who hasn’t wished for this during this Covid winter?
22. Jingle Bells (with “Batman smells” verse)
“Jingle Bells” was written by James Lord Pierpont in 1857. I believe Pierpont’s song is best appreciated when performed by frozen-mitten wearing kids singing at the top of their lungs, and adding the “Batman smells” verse. What 5th grade boy hasn’t sung “jingle bells, batman smells” while huddled in the wintry schoolyard with his pal Tommy, lusting after Mrs. Fouch – the only teacher at St. Peters who wasn’t a nun. (OK, maybe that was just me and Tommy Tanner, but you get the idea.) The first version of the Batman Smells verse surfaced in the 1966 Christmas season when the Batman TV show (with Adam West – the greatest Batman) was becoming a massive hit. “Batman Smells” was further glorified by Bart Simpson in “The Simpsons Christmas Special,” in December of 1989. Lisa Simpson was undoubtedly wishing for a river she could skate away on.
21. “Greensleeves” (traditional)
I fell in love with this song at the afternoon matinee showing of “How the West Was Won” at the the Warwick Cinema, back when and a box of popcorn cost 50 cents and the longer movies such as this one had “Intermissions.” In the 1962 movie, Debbie Reynolds sings “A Home in the Meadow,” which was essentially the music of “Greensleeves” with American frontier lyrics added by Tin Pan Alley songman Sammy Cahn. What’s that got to do with Christmas? As Yukon Cornelius might say, “Nuthin!” But read on!
The original “Lady Greensleeves” was an English folk song dating back to 1580. There is a some belief that the ballad was actually composed by Henry the VIII who was an accomplished musician before he got fat and nasty. (He was said to be a wiz on the tennis court, too – imagine that!) Now, at that time in England, to label a woman “green sleeves” was meant to suggest she was prone to enjoying a roll around in the grass (getting green stains on her… well, you get the idea.) So this song was a 16th century “I’m too sexy for my shirt.”
Fast forward to 1865 when Christian hymn writer William Chatterton Dix thought it prudent to remove the randy “green sleeves” reference altogether and rename the song “What Child Is This?”- a question that can indeed follow a roll in the grass, I suppose.
I love Greensleeves best without any lyrics – either played unadorned on acoustic guitar or the orchestral version by Ralph Vaughan Williams. And thank you Debbie Reynolds, mostly for giving us Carrie Fisher. What child was that one!
