By Michael Stevenson
Dear St. Jude, Patron Saint of Lost Causes,
Let me begin by stating how very much I like your latest Facebook profile pic – the new “fit Jude” image. No one should believe that a top-notch saint such as yourself needs to appear hungry or disheveled. It was clearly time for a change. Bravo!
As you know, I’ve prayed to you with a special request for about two years now, and I so appreciate you hearing my prayer. I knew that you would.
I was quite specific in my prayer, however, and I believe there has been a mistake made. Let me say that I fully appreciate that you, as Patron Saint of Lost Causes, are incredibly busy. Certainly the sheer number of Lost Causes today is our fault and not yours. I’ve previously suggested moving all sports-related Lost Causes (Mets, Jets, etc.) to a separate saint (an intern perhaps?) But we shall address that another time.
What needs to be addressed today is that, as they say in politics, “Mistakes were made” with my frequent and fervent prayer request.
Here it is: It was NOT Bernie Sanders who was supposed to have the heart attack. I don’t know if you can rewind/replay prayer requests, but it was definitely not Bernie. Go back and listen.
Also – the fellow who is supposed to have the heart attack (let’s refer to him as Individual #1 here) … well, his attack needs to be fatal. I’m quite sure I specified that. I also promised to convert a few pagans if it could happen while he was sitting on his solid-gold toilet. But that extra trimming is not so important at this time.
With all the political news 24/7, I can understand how confusing these things can get. Absolutely no problem, as the kids say. It just was a mix-up. Mistakes were made.
BTW, after we take care of the first prayer request (correcting the heart attack recipient) another prayer request of mine is to eliminate the phrase “no problem” as a replacement for “you’re welcome.”
On second thought, forget that about “no problem.” I’ll take that up with a lesser saint. You’ve got enough to do.
To reiterrate, the heart attack for Individual #1 needs to be fatal. The pain level and duration of the attack, well hell, I’ll leave that up to you.
All my love and respect,
The former US defence secretary hits back after the president described him as “the world’s most overrated general”.
Former US Defence Secretary James Mattis poked fun at Donald Trump as he spoke at a charity event in New York.
His comments came a day after the US president referred to him as “the world’s most overrated general”.
Mattis resigned as Defence Secretary in December 2018.
Watch at Source: Mattis mocks Trump at gala dinner – BBC News
Director says Brexit makes him ‘terminally depressed’ while fellow Python Cleese backs it
Terry Gilliam has said he disagrees with the way his friend and fellow Monty Python member John Cleese sees the world, following comments from the latter endorsing Brexit and criticising the makeup of London.
The Python animator and Hollywood director despairs of Donald Trump and Brexit, both of which make him “terminally depressed”. Cleese has previously faced a backlash for voicing support for the UK leaving the EU, and for saying London was no longer an English city.
Gilliam told Radio Times that the only public figure he could trust in the current political climate was Sir David Attenborough. He also criticised the political correctness of contemporary comedy, but stopped short of supporting his friend’s view of the world.
He said: “I’m the instinctive, monosyllabic American and he’s the tall, very suave one. I love John enormously but I just disagree with the way he perceives the world.” Continue reading