By Neko Case 8/2/26
This last week I was just cookin’ along minding my business when I suddenly found myself quite depressed. Was it the stifling heat? Well, that didn’t help… but that’s not something that usually makes me depressed. It took me days to figure it out, but after some soul-searching, and a well-timed poster adorning a London bus shelter, I found the answer. There it was, like a sad turd at the bottom of a punch bowl; another shitty, spoiled man was being lionized by people all around me, even people I know. Or think I know? The bus stop poster was a PSA against sexual harassment and shitty conduct. It read “Sexual Offenses and Harassment have Consequences” my brain immediately screamed “In what fucking universe!?”
The man in question had died (no, that was definitely not something I wished upon him) and several people reached out to me with condolences thinking we were friends, but the fact is I loathed him. I had almost managed to put it out of my mind, but then I made the mistake of going on social media earlier today, entirely by accident and now here I am; disgusted and pissed. The social media hell-scape I wandered onto was a gallery of proof that horrible men get away with everything. Every outpouring of “love” and “condolence” was a sharp, tetanus-y pin in the bottom of my foot. The men kissing his ass didn’t surprise me, but seeing the outpouring of love from women was downright shocking to me. I’m not sure why, as I already knew (and managed to suppress) when I would tell them about the things that happened to me and others, I would be met with the toilet refrain of “oh, well… he’s really sweet to me.” Yes, women are just as shit as men at listening to bad things that happen when it comes to famous or “attractive” men. And yeah, before you paint me with the monster brush, I do feel genuinely bad for his family, but it’s way down the list after other shit I feel. The first thing being a very specific flavor of life-long rage.
What did he do that was so bad you ask? Well, he was on a tour opening for the band I was in, and just when I thought that he and the other fellows were treating me like a fellow musician and even a friend, he thoroughly humiliated me by asking me to fuck the bass player in his band. I guess as some kind of favor?! I was mortified. I had thought the bass player in his band so kind, and I really thought we were becoming pals, and then he gets dude to proposition me? What the fuck?! He was treating me like some kind of groupie in my own fucking house! Big mistake. And the propositioner had that much faith in his own charm that he had the completely misguided balls to actually ask me. On a better day I’d have punched him in the throat and insisted they be removed from the rest of the tour, but I was genuinely hurt and utterly confused. I had, at that point in my life, just begun to be brave enough to even call myself a “musician,” (even if just on my tax returns) because I didn’t feel like I “deserved to.” Too much life conditioning that “girls can’t do shit good” had fucked me yet again. I just had to make it to the end of the tour. Puke.
The really sad part was, that at some later date in Los Angeles, I ran into said bass player with some of his bandmates. I flashed hot when I saw him. “Oh, hey _bass player name here_, I’m gonna fuck your stupid brains out,” I hissed very sarcastically, in front of everyone. I could tell by the look on his face that he had NO idea. His asshole bandmate had taken it upon himself, freelance, to “set up” his pal. I felt horrible, and of course I’m sure I lost a friend because of my venomous comment. I have never seen him since. I told people what happened. No one gave a shit.
The next action was just as disgusting if not more so. Near the end of the aforementioned tour a couple friends came to the show. One brought his 19 year old sister as a guest. Dude was all over her. Touching her body, hands and hair without asking and cooing “Oh god, isn’t she beautiful!? She’s so beautiful…” etc on and on. He wouldn’t stop. I don’t think he even knew her name. My friends and I were mortified and very uncomfortable. Everything was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t tell what the sister thought. Since he was “famous” and/or “in a band” maybe she was flattered? She could have been screaming inside for all I knew. I had to go onstage. I could only trust that her brother would look after her? I don’t remember clearly what I was told happened with dude, and also it’s not my story to tell, BUT the gross part that happened in front of and was spoken TO ME is. Maybe she’s even adding her own “tribute” on Instagram. Whatever. But that night, watching him treat her like that sickened me.
See, men like that have class systems for the women they “know.” They spoil and flatter the women they NEED things from, business associates, press people etc. The “mother” part of the mother-whore complex… They consume the sex princesses like it’s some big favor they are handing out, as well as their basic right. Then there’s women like me, the underlings. We don’t need to be treated well or with basic respect. Men like that often confuse using their charm on us as “respect” at times, but we all know it’s just a big fat manipulation when it works and when it doesn’t. Just another fucking day at the fucking office.
Why do I need to write this? Rage, bitch. The “president” of my country is a pedofile rapist facing zero consequences, duh. Its essentially legal to rape a woman or a child in the United States. When Ryan Adams was busted for sexting an underage girl I was shocked anyone gave a shit! SO. MANY. PEOPLE helped him get away with being a fucking spoiled asshole for SO long. He treated people abominably for years. People in his solo band would let him abuse them on stage and literally come back for more. Fuck the Ryan Adams’ of the world! And FUCK THOSE MERCINARY FUCKS who hang around dicks like that for the proximity to a “famous” asshole, while insisting it was a “job.” You are star-fucker enablers! You knew who that guy was! Do you think I’m overreacting? Well, I’m used to being the person who says shit and is thought to be “overreacting.” Whether it be to a titty comment, public belittlement and racist tirade from Charlie Louvin, or me warning someone “not to be alone with that guy, he’s abusive,” or to literally stopping a creep from raping my passed out friend at a party. I “overreacted” to a 19 year old raping me when I was fourteen, so I guess I’m an expert overreacter as I started so young, right? I’m never going to shut up, because you see, the problem is not with me, but with a world of assholes unwilling to be BRAVE ENOUGH TO LISTEN, and stand up for what’s right.
And just remember, the guy who is willing to say shit out loud, even when no one believes them, is most likely THE ONLY person willing to put their body on the line FOR YOU. Men aren’t going to do it. So fucking value us.
I’m sorry to disable the comments, but this post stands alone. As per fucking usual.