6 reasons why women aren’t funny

Women can’t possibly be funnier than men and here’s why.

1. Being funny is the main way men attract women; we can’t take that away from them.

There’s nothing better then a man who makes you laugh – it’s a quality women value highly and one used to describe every successful date and suggested set up. If women were funny it would be unfair, I mean we already have the gloriousness that is breasts, what more do we want! It’s why male peacocks have colourful feathers, why lions have manes. Women have to tone it down because, without the upper hand in the humour stakes, what do the unfairer sex have?

2. There’s nothing funnier than a man’s appendage

There’s a reason we don’t spend our adolescence covering notebooks with sketches of vaginas and why we were all accidental members of the Pen 15 club  (if you don’t know you weren’t bullied enough in school). Women are lacking the one body part that is guaranteed to crack a smile out of any male in the vicinity.

3. Gross is funny

The most knee slapping, head rolling, chuckle making moments involve disgusting, unappealing, dirty anecdotes and women just aren’t gross. Women are pretty and delicate. Their number twos smell of Chanel No. 5, their sweat makes them glow, and they only ever break wind odourlessly in hidden corners of empty rooms.

4. If you’re funny, you’re funny for a girl

Being funny is like being good at sport or good at acting: it’s split by the genders, so no matter how hilarious you are, you’re still only FFG (funny for a girl). This way there’s no need to directly compare and no egos need to be hurt. Be glad – it’s really impressive to be funny for a girl (just not as impressive as being actually funny obviously).

5. Name five funny women

No not her, she doesn’t count, or her, she’s a lesbian so obviously not representative. No that one died, that’s unfair. I personally don’t find that other one funny. Yes that film may be the highest rated comedy on Rotten Tomatoes, but I bet there were a ton of men involved. And I cant judge that new one because I don’t plan on watching it. Anyway, the point is there’s way more funny men, so they’re the funny sex.

6. This article

This article was clearly written by a woman, and while it was trying to be a funny satire, it bombed miserably. By looking at the failure of one woman to make you laugh, you can accurately deduce the capabilities of the rest of the gender. Don’t argue with me, it’s science. There you have it, definitive proof that you’re not a raging sexist if you think all women aren’t funny, you’re right.

Source: 6 reasons why women aren’t funny | Spectator Life

Review: There has never been a Partridge moment more genius than this

Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge

Despite my long acquaintance with the Partridge phenomenon, I find myself utterly unprepared for Alan’s practical demonstration of cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

Despite my long acquaintance with the Partridge phenomenon, I find myself utterly unprepared for Alan’s practical demonstration of cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

As Alan explains during his short filmed insert on CPR during This Time with Alan Partridge (BBC1); although the British Heart Foundation use a basic head-and-torso model for their training, Alan prefers a full-sized 35kg realistic human replica with workable joints for his monthly practice.

Lugging the petite, fully dressed female model from the loft of his spacious home, it slowly dawns on us, if not Alan, that this “replica” he purchased from his friend – the late Pate Gabbatiss – some years ago is in fact a sex doll, complete with full lips and generously proportioned mouthparts to which Alan eagerly “docks” in the initial stages of saving its life after a putative overdose.

In this scenario, Alan is rescuing his sister-in-law Eileen, who has OD’d because she hates his brother so very much. “Come on Eileen” is the heartfelt plea as he checks for pulse and breath. As a musical accompaniment to the saving of a silicone love doll’s life, Alan rejects the usual beat of “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees (“namby pamby”) in favour of Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”, a “pounding rock number that injects a welcome dose of realism”.

I am racking my mind to think of a funnier bit of Partridge/Steve Coogan over his eventful 28-year long career but can’t. The chocolate-sex session/dirty protest in the Linton Travel Tavern; the full stilton slammed into the face of BBC head of commissioning Tony Hayers; the “king and car” sequence on Mid-Morning Matters; hiding in the septic tank of the chemical toilet on the Radio Norfolk roadshow bus; conversations with Michael at the BP garage: all brilliant, but none more genius than this.

Quite unnecessarily, at the conclusion of Alan’s first-aid class he advises This Time viewers: “Don’t forget to clean the mouth.” Rinsing Eileen’s cavity may be relatively straightforward, but not cleansing the memory of the image of Alan Partridge pummelling a rather primly-dressed sex doll. It is a wonder that, with its poor head bouncing as it does on hard flooring, the doll retains a beatific smile throughout. Lovely stuff.

In that respect at least, Eileen the doll resembles Alan’s co-presenter Jennie Gresham (Susannah Fielding), who seems to have got the knack of dealing with Alan by a mixture of humouring his eccentricities and ignoring his unscripted outbursts about his former wife, Carol. Somehow the pair of them manage to navigate a series of standard fluffy news-magazine items that quickly degenerate into unbroadcastable outrages against taste and decency, “Eileen” serving as a symbol of the show’s awfulness.